The Donalsonville Noose

THE DONALSONVILLE NOOSE......August 2009

An organ servicing the privileged few in the armpit of the South, dedicated to overt racism and segregation for nearly 100 years! (White Jesus, we misses us some slavery!)

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"Out Of My Gourd"...by Boo-Boo "Oopsies!" McLoud
I been done seen lotsa things wont tell of my Lord none of thems
near enough to tell wide open rightly we are right and all others
wrongly, accordingly. Maybe you done heard a bit about the
senator osama and his merry men mostly fruits and nuts
taking our hard earned financials and such likely but iffin'
you oughtens to be assured of nothing in particular but this
reckon you might know he's coming to get you and your
white wife in the middle of the night and your children too.
boogey man boogey man boogey man watermelon patch
stream of hardly consciousness I peed myself.


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SWIMMIN'HOLE HEALTH SCARE....
a promotion for the Springed Leak Health Uncooperative

The US Department of Health has issued state specific changes for us. Since we all don't want to lose weight, they now increased the weight definition of Obesity so we don't feel bad about ourselves before the coronary hits or the sugar takes us. They have also changed this here four basic food groups as follows;

1. Lard/grease/fried anything and everything
2. Sugar
3. White flour
4. Corn
5. Pork

Make sure you get plenty of these at every meal, and sneak some in between there, too. Other groceries are optional. We here in Swimmin'hole County are very concerned about getting our way; so much so that we are willing to die to prove "It's always been that way, and there ain't nuthin' you kin do about it!"\



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PUBLIC SERVICE ALERT FOR ALL NEGROID TYPES:Don't be confused by the calendar's date.

We scream "Jesus" at every turn, but when it comes to that regretful
'tolerance' and 'love' and 'acceptance' business, our 'Christianity' is stuck back in 1916.
Women got pregnant and the blacks knew their place, period.
The 'back of the bus' policy still works.
Don't be distracted by our lack of public transit.

We got the back of the paper reserved for you blacks.
Unless you steal something; then you can get front page treatment.
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OUR HERO!
Wotta man!

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GOSSIPY MILDRED'S B.S. ROUNDUP
Hey y'all, this week we're taking letters from readers!
Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy writes "Dear Mildred; How come in all your speculatings and such we never hear about them thieving, lyin' delinquent kids of yours and all of that --"
Uh...no more space for letters this week, folks. Mildred out!

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NOTICE; Unless you are reporting a speculated child molestation or are bashing Democrats, there will be NO mention of ho-mo-sex-u-al-i-ty in The Donalsonville Noose. We have worked hard to marginalize and keep invisible these unwanted among us, and must continue the good works of Satan in pretending that there is something wrong with sex and that some sins are greater than others. Please do not remind us of how many 'good' people exist among us, especially our friends and family who are deeply hurt by our ignorance. We feel we can shame them into becoming what we think they should be; shining examples of Jesus' never-ending love! Praise and Glory! Repeat after us;
No Queer lives here! No Queer Lives here! And if they think we'll forget Jesus' command to love the sin (for ourselves) and hate the sinner, have we got a surprise for them.


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NEWSFLASH & CALENDAR OF EVENTS (snort! Yeah, right?! We can't keep a straight face either!)

* The next Tea Party (seriously? WTF?) is being held on Thanksgiving Day. What better way to celebrate than with this Turkey of a concept. And it also represents a good hoodwinking, which is what we gave the Injuns in the end, so... keepin' it real y'all. Cuz you know we just got bloated government spending and taxes in January of 2009! Recognize!


* White Folks Good Ole Boys Club for spittin', huntin', talkin' smack, hatin', complainin', etc. meets pretty much whenever and wherever we please. And there's not a damned thing no one can do about it.

* Anything else going on in town in sponsored by people we don't like or people who we don't know, so it is the same as not existing. Nyah nyah! Ha! We win! Teaching people life-saving skills in our town without our say-so? Not on our watch! You better ask somebody!

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STEPPIN' OUT on JESUS
by Clueless Heiffer

Hey y'all! Ya might notta heard that Jesus didn't have time before he up and got crossed
to change summa his stuff. So to help you out, we're givings the SWGA translations and
updates, so pull up, ya hear!

All sin is NOT created Equal! What God really meant to say was we should pick and
choose what we like about the book, or we can just give lip service-- but do what we
damned well please. Either one works. Here's a good rule of thumb though if you're
new to it; If YOU'RE the one committing the sin OR if people KNOW about your sin,
then it's A-OK in God's eyes! Relax and unclench, Wilma!

But if someone else is guilty of it OR you hadn't been caught yet, then it's time to open
up youins a can of WHOOP ASS! besides, it is so much more interesting to follow
other people's business than worry about your own! God, I would be bored to tears!


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The Donalsonville Noose;Keeping Donalsonville tolerance-free and growth-opposed
for nearly a century! Rock on! Cuz it's the Stone age baby!
We got all the shit that ain't fit to print!

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