"The 'God' Thang" Introduction

So, for almost 4 decades now I've been struggling with the concept of God.

It seems obvious, now, but the reality is that I have been struggling with the super-imposed notion of God that other people and institutions have burdened upon me.
It is with great humility that I admit my own foolishness in accepting as fact the insanity of man's interpretation of a might essence of love.

My skin still crawls at the mention of God. I feel ill when I pass churches or hear people say God's name. (Not--as the misinformed would offer--because I am without God and am a 'bad' person....but rather because the idea and name of God has been misrepresented and abused by so many wounded, confused, arrogant, vicious, judgmental, scared human beings.)

There's no small amount of frustration at having allowed myself to be bereft of ultimate love and kindness due to the bastardization of the universe's love at the hands of man.

But, being in a better place now, emotionally--mentally--physically--spiritually, I wish to sidestep blame and resentments and simply bask in what I now see as blessings.

The journey took what it took.
It is what it is.
It's all good.

I have been reevaluating a lot recently. Rather than make a sequential timeline or an involved philosophical argument for my changing heart and mind, I figured I would throw out some random understandings by which I have made peace.

It should become obvious right off that My God is a complete rejection of the archaic patriarchal hateful god of vengeance and small minds. Proceed at your own risk.

I think it's high time the rest of the world got a shot at reclaiming the name God for a loving soulful creative force of blessings; this right was stolen from us long ago.

As always, "Take what you like and leave the rest!"

I pray we can all learn to truly open our minds and our hearts to what the rest of the world has to offer.

The worst thing ever to happen to the love of the universe was for religion and man to get hold of it. If you struggle with reconciling the idea of love and beauty with the God preached by so many in the world today.....

if you feel like God is only a name most people use to promote their own ego and sense of self, having lost all connection to reality....

if you are alone and wounded and cast aside by organized religion and the horribly abusive judgment that can only come from man.....

then follow with me and take a trip. Let's see what else is out there waiting for us.

Let's not remain shackled to the limitations of our fellow misguided humans, attempting to assign the disparity of spirit man exhibits onto the divine.

I am a student of love.
I am a student of truth.
I am a student of life.

Let's explore what greatness comes from connecting and searching for what is outside of our minds.....and question the lies that have pervaded our world for so long.

.....more to follow......

JOBLESS...and LOVIN' IT!!!! Woo-hoo!

Not really. Not even remotely close to an accurate statement. But that doesn't stop nimrods, morons, and troglodytes from speculating and being asinine.

Being jobless isn't a chosen fucking profession. I'm not coasting along on mass amounts (or any size amounts) of government funding. (Or any other sort of secretive benefactor-provided aid.)

My days are not spent popping bon-bons and watching soap operas. I don't sleep in, stay in my bath robe, or keep the shades drawn.

Tell me where the job that will hire me is located and I will pack and leave tonight. I will live out of my vehicle, assuming the road-weary bitch lasts to this mythic destination, until my first check clears.

As someone who doesn't bullshit or 'play games' well, I don't have an extensive network of people known to me. There is no hookup in the offing. There are no nepotistic dream desk jobs in my future.

You hang on to the hope of the possibility of the illusion of a potential maybe. You just keep plugging away, in spite of inane comments, unreturned phone calls, disappearing friends, and broken faith. You just keep plugging along.

But the 'Little Engine That Could' gets old when there seems to be no end in sight. Perseverance is do-able when there is a designated time or place for a finish line. When the status quo becomes "no end in sight," dignity and integrity become harder to maintain.

And as the deficit column continues to rapidly magnify, at the expense of the dwindling surpluses, what's a person to do?

People give advice like "Do the next right thing." "Tie a knot in the rope and hand on."
"This, too, shall pass."

The trick is breaking free of the despair which is cemented into your heart. This may not be the inevitable outcome. This may not be the final tally. But believing that gets increasingly difficult when one loses sight of any positives, any prospects, any hope.

A life lacking options is a horrifying place to be.

So I think about my heroes. People--men and women--who endured far greater than this and kept their sense of self. Survivors of poverty like my grandmother. Survivors of hardship like James Baldwin. People who suffered unimaginable living, like Solomon Radasky. People of courage and conviction like Harper Lee.

I remember that it is possible to come through torment, no matter the type or level, and remain intact. To endure. To survive. To thrive. To prosper.

Despite handicaps, heartaches, hassles, or homelessness. It may not be the most eloquent of hope-filled notions, but I know I am broken, not beaten. I know that this is temporary, and the momentary darkness needs my permission in order to take me down. I don't give it.

I am reclaiming my fighting spirit. I have everything I need within me, no matter what losses I have suffered or continue to face. I remember that others have not caved in under these same circumstance, or worse. I draw inspiration from them. Perhaps someone else can draw it from me.

THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS

A printout of an old e-mail from a dear friend hangs beside my bed. Among other things, the e-mail contained a prayer from a name I cannot recognize, and could not find online (it reads E.N. Forshey, to the best of my knowledge. Anyway, the prayer or poem is called "This, Too, Shall Pass." I've always loved it, and I'd like to share it with others now.

"Dear God, How comforting to know this, too, shall pass, even though my mind and heart are troubled at this time.

I shall be patient and faith-filled, knowing Your spirit is working through all conditions in my life.

I shall wait undisturbed and confident, ignoring appearances and resting in the assurance that You will be my guide, my guardian.

Thank you, God.

I know nothing is impossible, all conditions will be right and good at the proper time,

And I will know!"

Hopefully that hasn't been mutilated too badly in its 3 or 4 passings! Now, I am still not into the (traditional) 'god' thing, especially this country's crazy zealot-based hateful pick-and-choose version of it, but I do believe in something greater than me. The power of a friend's love to give me hope. The power of compassion. The power of our own mind to heal. The awareness that a spiritual plane exists, and probably isn't all that concerned with how you spell or say 'its' name, what with it being omnipotent and all!

And one thing I have learned as I have faced down minor life issues (such as joblessness, loneliness, addiction, suicides of others, grief, my own feelings of worthlessness and despair, etc.) is that if I can ride it out, it does get better.

Depression is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our mood and mind are altered, and we perceive all input as the same; pointless. The same possibilities that exist for others exist for us, if only we can see it.

Everything comes back around again, including fresh starts. And they can happen at any time, anywhere. If you don't know it from your own perspective, just accept the possibility that what I'm saying is right. My belief is hard won, and I've come through the mountain to get here.

If all you have left is yourself, then you still have a blessing. It's life. And it's okay to be discouraged and scared. If we could only understand how everyone else struggles with the same heartaches; some are just better at hiding it than others. Sometimes a change of thinking can get us started on the right path. But will we accept our worth and virtue and hope... as vehemently as we have embraced our prior dark lot? How willing are you to be happy?

While you figure it out for yourself, hold on to these related songs and poems for a little realization that we all ride the same boat. Don't worry about what's being used for a life preserver, as long as it's a positive influence (god, the universe, your inner self, higher consciousness, fitness, nature, support groups, books, music, collective consciousness, etc.)

Namaskar!
Roberto


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This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute, Whatever is happening to me,

No matter how heavy my heart is, Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet, With all the world crashing about me,

Secure in the knowledge God loves me

When everyone else seems to doubt me-If I can but keep on believing,

What I know in my heart to be true,That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me, For as long as this knowledge remains,

I can suffer whatever is happening, For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness, And trying to fill me with fear-

For there is no night without dawning, And I know that my morning is near

...Helen Steiner Rice

The Buddha himself said: -
When faced with all the ups and downs of life, Still the mind remains unshaken, Not lamenting, not generating defilements, always feeling secure, This is the greatest happiness.

*************************************
"This Too Shall Pass" Mark Lowry

Woke up this morning with the years I've spent

Hanging heavy on my mind.

At times I see So much in me,

I wish I'd left behind. But the one thing I've learned

As the years have turned, And they sure have traveled fast.

I don't have to stay where I am today because

This too shall pass.

Chorus; This too shall pass.This too shall pass.

And the tears that fall like raindrops now

Will finally dry at last.This too shall pass.

Sometimes I'm laughing with a crowd of friends,

And still I feel alone.There's a place inside

Full of tears I hide, That I've only cried alone.

But I know that He's near,

And I know He hears,

And I know these tears won't last. This pain today

Will be swept away because This too shall pass.

*****************************************

"This Too Shall Pass" by India Arie

I've achieved so much in life, but I'm an amateur in love

My bank account is doing just fine but my emotions are bankrupt

My body is nice and strong, but my heart is in a million pieces

When the sun is shining so am I, but when night falls,

so do my tears Sometimes the beat is so loud in my heart

that I can barely tell the voices apart

Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head

that I can barely hear what God says,

but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass,

I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass

my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past

so I walk in faith that this too shall pass,

The one that loved me the most

turned around and hurt me the worst,

Been doing my best to move on

but the pain just keeps singing me songs

My head and my heart are at war

cause love ain't happening the way I want it,

Feel like I'm about to break down can't hear

the light at the end of the tunnel is when I pray

for healing in my heart babe put back together

what is torn apart and I pray for quiet in my head

that I can hear clearly what GOD says

but then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass,

I hear the angels whisper that this too shall pass

my ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past

so I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of a sudden I realized that it only hurts

worse to fight it

So I embrace my shadow and hold on to the morning light

this too shall pass...

I hear the angels whisper that trouble don't have to last always,

I hear the angels whisper even the day after tomorrow

will one day be as today I hear my angels whisper,

I hear my angels whisper this too shall pass

***************************************************

"It'll Be Easier In The Morning" by the Hothouse Flowers

If the lonely night surrounds you

Yeah you're weighed down by gloom

No you don't like what it feels like

in Your dark and dirty room

It'll be easier in the morning

It'll be easier in the day

Sun will shine on through your window

We got light to lead the way

Looks like the bottle has run empty

Yeah your heart is torn and dry

Lord you don't like what it feels like

Your sad and lonely eyes

Looks like the highways never ending

Yeah your legs they feel like lead

Lord you're twisting yeah and turning

In your wide and lonely bed

It'll be easier in the morning

It'll be easier in the day

Sun will shine on through your window

We got light to lead the way

Looks like you got no one you can talk to

No one left to talk to

And your heart is torn'n'blue

Yeah you look in no direction

No direction...

I guess these words might pull you through

It'll be easier in the morning

It'll be easier in the day

Sun will shine on through your window

We got light to lead the way

It'll be easier in the morning

It'll be easier in the day

Sun will shine on through your window

We got light to lead the way