Insiders & Outsiders; The Differences

THE DIFFERENCES: (in greater detail)

This then is the primary differential, perhaps; that
Outsiders have a listless lack of interest in themselves,
having accepted role of sad sack and loser.
*They have no real expectation for life or self.
*They see themselves as having no power, or ability to
change; OTHERS have control over them.
*Only others can save them.
*Others' opinions constructed and continue to dominate them.
*Only others can validate and appreciate them.
*They are preternaturally subsumed with the past and its
details.
Insiders, though, have a false sense of godliness;
* They fancy themselves supernaturally smarter and
better and more deserving, self-sufficient and superior.
*They have control over everything and everyone.
*They allow no one inside, let no vulnerability or real
feelings emerge. (Of course, this merely covers the
insecurity at root of all this posturing, but once the lie
starts, it has a life of its own. The stakes of countering
it heighten every day.)
*Insiders do everything they can to pretend the past
never happened and erase all signs of vulnerability.

(Ego is central to both states; centering on a view of
self--either as positive or negative--being their sole
source. Defensive about self. Constantly vigilant against
persecution. Correcting. Challenging. Ever seeking
the unmet original need of a child--who are naturally
egocentric--and therefore suspended in that regressed
age.)


The difference is interesting; Insiders suppress their
insides and play games on the outsides. They appear
to do well externally but have an internal frozen wasteland.
They appear to be well externally but the internal is off.

Outsiders on the other hand seem the epitome of not
being in touch, not having any external supports or value
to society, yet their insides tend to be truth seeking and
peaceful and 'attuned.' They just have no idea what to do
with it.

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I figure the vast majority of humanity comes from a
horrible, broken, dysfunctional background. Maybe
only 5 to 10 % of people are truly happy, if that. Once
you realize that everyone is playing the "Impress the
Neighbors/Family/Friends/Coworkers" Game, and once
you realize how impossibly hard it is to ever truly know
another human being, the epidemic is revealed.

Our great American Passtime is Pretense-and-Illusion-
Manufacturing.


So even the minute percentage of presumed 'happy'
people may be false; who knows? We'll assume for sake
of argument that happy/contented/at peace people are real.
The rest of us are working through our shit the best we
can (which is to say, 'not too hot') and we are divided
into one of two categories.

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All survivors of abuse either externalize (turn outwards)
or internalize (turn inwards.)


1. Those who strike outwardly and (typically) use/hurt
others (whether thinking or unconsciously attempting
to 'flip' the dynamic of abuse they endured,) do well
for themselves in the outside world. Rationalize and
justify their dark side with visions of superiority and
good survivior instincts. Insiders. (Sharks, narcissists,
users, intimidators, hot-shots, Type A personalities,
control freaks, psychopathic, etc.)


2. Those who strike in hurt themselves (self-destructive)
and continue the pattern of abuse within. Seek out
similar minded abusers to stage their own suffering,
subconsciously or unkowingly masochistically acting
(or failing to act) in ways that lead to sabotage of health.
No concern for self or aggressiveness in self-defense.
Outsiders. (Submissives, passives, victims, losers,
wallowers, sociopathic, depressives, etc.)

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Both groups can actually be People-Pleasers;

*Insiders want to people please because it lends control
over situations and the ultimate messy situation of human
feelings. It also stems from a need to determine one's
own worth through others.

*Outsiders tend more towards passive codependency
where they give up aspects of self to adhere to the needs
of another in order to have their 'love.' (I have seen the
'source' of a narcissist referred to as someone with
'internalized narcisissm.')

All "codependency" (or simply, 'dependency') is a
form of weakness and addictive compulsive behavior.
It is a manipulation of others'emotions and a playing of
roles. It is seeking and finding an external source of
energized faux 'power' (whether as controller or as
victim) that is not a legitimate inner state.

*****************************************

As survivors, we seek out the thrill of that most
impacting of emotional 'highs,' the abuse itself.
Sick as it sounds, much as we want to deny it. We
are drawn to what we know. If what we know is
sick, it is still familiar, and as familiar it is nonetheless
the object of affection.

After all, without the subjectiveness of having
been raised outside our own household, how would
we know what 'normal' is? We are often keenly aware
of what is 'off' or unhealthy about others' experience
(though mostly people keep it to themselves and
disallow an insight or feedback that could alleviate
confusion and imprisonment) even as we are
ignorant of our own neurosis.

Even after acute understanding, research, and
pursuit of cures or new relations, most people
cycle back to what they know and what they are
so deeply drawn to, even after knowing the negative
impact it will have on them. Ruts, patterns, systems,
hardwiring, learned behavior, etc. etc.