The 'Perfect' Family ?
'Dysfunctional' ?
the myth that 'happy, shiny people' really did
have it all. I believed their annoying "dressed in
white" Christmas cards, their constant name-
dropping and perpetual toothy smiles.
Finally, though, it clicked. That the world is
in fact divided into two halves. But it isn't so
much 'Haves" and "Have Nots," (though that
does come into play--read on.)
No, the world is divided into two camps, but the
revelation is that both camps seem made up of
people who are out of control, who are led by
neurosis and addiction and compulsiveness. Things
are every bit as dread as I believed them to be
for dear old humanity. Yay. Vindication...I guess.
But we are two very distinctive masses; the Insiders
and the Outsiders. Here's the breakdown, as I
see it.
INSIDERS:
Insiders are consumed by the illusion of the lie
of perfection. They are obsessed with presentation,
facade, image, and impression. They suppress all
the 'bad parts' and hide them, from public view.
They keep all legitimate want and need hidden,
as the ultimate shame-based 'good boy' or 'good
girl' is supposed to, but they do what it takes in secret
to accomplish their goals. Since our world is
consumed by bottom line and results, and not actual
character and integrity, they get the best of both worlds;
they get to succeed and appear to be phenomenal people
while doing it.
Again, our world thrives on the sickness of duplicity
and duality, so this thinking and living does quite well.
"Knowing how to play the game," is often the line
used by such folks to justify all manner of bad behavior.
Typically, these folks are going to be rich or very well
off middle class, because of two reasons. One, they
are expert deceivers, and can produce the results people
want (people pleasing) while surreptitiously meeting their
own needs. Two, they are typically driven and fanatical
about proving themselves, making their mark, getting
and keeping money, being the best, etc.
They feel no sense of relief unless they are besting
someone or getting 'more.' So here we see the mani-
festation of the inverted sickness; workaholism,
perfectionism, eating disorders, religious fervor and
fanaticism, need to 'control', obsessive-compulsive
disorder, surgery and body-change addiction, piousness,
materialism/consumption, and others.
'Looking good' at any cost is a definite sickness, and
its effects are many fold and multi-generational.
It's all about the illusion of wellness, rather than content.
Feelings and truth are not allowed, even in private. The
layers of secrecy--the denial of self-- runs to the core.
These sicknesses directly relate to suppressing one's
true nature and having an out-of-control demand
on self and others. Never being satisfied. But it's all
in the realm of what society dictates is 'good' behavior;
having it all, looking good, having a 'perfect' family,
and so on. The desire to maintain appearances surpasses
the need for real happiness.
Probably it's safe to say that, since such ideals are
impossible to maintain and control, these families are
also prime candidates for such secrecy, shame, and
suppression based problems as infidelity, sexual
dysfunction, incest, rage-aholics, gambling, hidden drug
addiction, psychopathic behavior coverup, physical
abuse, verbal abuse, and so on.
They seek to deny the shame that was given them by
'proving' it isn't true, yet that shame drives their every
action.
(Things will always come out; hiding and denying them
only changes the method and intensity of their exposure.)
OUTSIDERS:
Outsiders tend to be on the other extreme of the
of the spectrum. (There is no middle ground between
the two; they are both unhealthy extremes.
Again, one has more rewards since it plays into a
system of having more material benefits, and thereby
society's approval, but this has its own set of demands
and sacrifices.)
Outsiders wear their feelings and needs on their sleeve,
letting emotions dictate all their life. They change their
personality and mood on a regular basis, affected by
the externals in their world. They tend not to have a
lot of luck with anything requiring consistency or
compromise; jobs, relationships, projects, friendships...
all feel the effect of impermanence.
Apathy and laziness are trademarks of these folks
and the reason behind their dismissal from others'
radars; they are typically whelmed by emotion, afraid
to make decisions, self-doubting, easily intimidated.
Victimhood as a lifestyle.
Their highs and lows and easily-affected hearts are
always in turmoil over what others do. They have little
concept as to how the world works, and are
generally depressed, apathetic, or manic; moderation
is not known. They have no faith in self or the future,
so there appears no reason to try.
Their mal-adapted issues take on the self-destructive
aspects as abject drug and alcohol abuse (and, more
significantly, the 'subculture' and identity of such
destructive patterns,) unprotected sexual addiction,
cutting, obesity (over-eating,) and other means of
addiction that manifest externally.
(Whereas an Insider does everything to show folks
"Look at me, Everything's Great! I'm doing F.I.N.E.!",
an Outsider does their best to say "Look at me! I'm
out of control! Somebody help me! Somebody care!"
Lack of concern for one's own well-being may expand
to encompass hygiene, surroundings, and isolation.
Their external world reflects what they feel they are
worth, which was of course shaped by them believing
the abuse they suffered was deserved. They love easily,
often, and without regard. They lack boundaries and are
childlike in every sense. Irresponsible, blaming, irritable,
demanding, conflict-oriented.
They embrace the shame and rejection that was given,
and seek to enhance and further it.
SYNOPSIS:
Insiders keep it all inside and have externals pros,
as well as 'inside' track like cunning, money, etc.
Outsiders are all over the place, externalizing emotions
and appearing on the fringes of society as a result.
Both are byproducts of our largely dysfunctional
society, and specifically a culture of abusive homes
that are not properly regulated or exposed,) but each
manifests in a uniquely divergent way. Each sick, but
each with their own 'pros' and 'cons.'
As an image based society, those who can 'pass'
and 'look good' are bound to do better on average,
for as long as they can maintain the illusion (which
carries with it certain excessive demands of its own
as a lifestyle.)
We tend to view people in terms of behavior, not
their points of origin. By seeing people's personalities
as an outlying of their inner self and their history, we
may have better understanding to who they are and how
they operate, as well as the fact that we're all
connected.
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