Showing posts with label personal responsibility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal responsibility. Show all posts

Friday, March 11, 2016

Constant Loathing: Intermittent Victimhood



There's always been a sense of fear amongst the self-proclaimed
'pure-breeds,' or Anglo-descended sorts, that one day their rule
would end.

It may not have been a conscious thought, or an articulated one, but
just there under the surface of the all-important skin it was percolating.

People of any sort or conviction have always been prone to hatred of
other, different groups of people--'different' by means of comparing a
singular distinguishing characteristic that each group has formed a
bond under, at least.

With the election of a black-skinned man for our highest office, many
Americans found that vague discomfort of subverted rule brought
forth with a violent thrust. The sensation may have even surprised and
shamed some of them.

But for others, the fear itself provides a sense of 'proof' to the false
narrative that there is a necessary division between the 'races.' (One
can never mention often enough that the concept of race is just
that--a notion. The pigment of our skin differing is no more or less
significant than a person's eye color or blood type differing. 'Race'
is completely a social and political invention.) People love them
some pigeon-holing!

But back to the scape-goating. We--people, every last one of us--have
a tendency to want to simplify things. To make them more easily-digestible.
Hence, elected leaders to make tough choices, hence religion, hence
a host of addictions and distractions from this terrifying and confusing
world.

But designing or assuming a reason to blame others for our ills doesn't
make that person/group responsible. Again, it's just notions.

But for love of simplicity, people blame.


We blame different religions, the opposite sex, other states, political
parties, family members, neighbors, other 'races;' anyone who is not
the same as us is by default scary and can easily be made into the
bogeyman. It seems to be in our DNA.

But the seemingly-decreased degree of 'people who actually hate
people who are different' seemed to be a sign of improvement for
our country. Really, it was a 'seems too good to be true' scenario,
an actual cauldron of indignance and seething rage boiling and
getting ready to blow.

And then came Donald Trump. Riling people up, blaming these
'others' outright and proudly, giving people permission to engage
in their baseless accusations and disgust, inciting them to act on it.
The façade of civility in America went straight out the window, and
we have seen exposed the deep and disconcerting pall of fear and
loathing for the longtime scapegoats, people of color.

The fear is based on false notions, on stereotypes, on lack of
exposure, on long-held fears and assumptions, and--in large
part--on mob mentality.

If you've ever been to a concert, a festival, a wedding, even a
packed movie theatre, you may have noticed there is a sense of
energy present--"something in the air" as it's often referred to.
There is in fact documented elevation of emotions in groups,
and certain areas of the brain react to the overriding emotion
that is being presented. There is a 'chain reaction' in effect, and
we are most of us easily drawn into whatever energy is most powerful.

So when people in a crowd get riled up, and get reminded of all
that's wrong with their lives, and are then given a simplistic rationale
for why it has happened and who is responsible, they can get carried
away. Mob mentality is a real thing. It isn't an excuse for inappropriate
or criminal behavior, like yelling slurs or assaulting people, but it is
a phenomenon.

And the people behind these pushed buttons are well aware of this.
I'm calling you out, Donald J. Trump. In your desire to increase
followers you are knowingly spreading false narratives to excite
and offend people, unconcerned with the fallout of such reckless
behavior.


((As a side-note, if I or anyone else I know (poor, not a household
name, not carrying the prestige of power and influence) were to
hold a rally and call on people to harm other people, we'd be under
the jailhouse. Our country has a strict set of double standards in
place; the Rules of Law apply differently to the Two Americas.
The Have-Nots get the full force of the law crushing them and the
Haves have no repercussions at all.))

The mindset of these disenfranchised, predominantly-white people who
support Trump and all his euphemisms and hate speech is that they are
justified in feeling and responding this way because they have been
'victimized.'

'Victimized' in the sense that not everything is going their way, life
is not 100% perfect, they are not in control of what everyone says
or does, and the day is coming closer when everyone will have
equal footing in this country. So in other words, not victimized at all,
just confounded that they can't have things the way they want and
wanting a way to act up about it.

I'm reminded of the tumult in the last few years of religious groups
in this country crying foul and painting themselves as victims of
abuse and terror because they were being forced to move into the
21st century and were no longer being allowed the special privileges
they had been accustomed to holding for so long.

See, people do not like giving up things. Whether they were
deserved or not has nothing to do with it. Whether others were
being harmed in order for them to have had that privilege has
nothing to do with it. People are simply severely adverse to
change and loss, and they get a little crazy about it. Others are
simply looking for an excuse to act on being racist prigs. They've
been dreaming of the day when it would be acceptable again
to treat others like second-class citizens.


This phenomenon is not going away. In fact, it's getting worse
the longer this fanning of flames and pandering is allowed to
continue. Our tax dollars are being spent to close down streets,
pay police, pay Secret Service detail, and more so that DJT can
have rallies to work people up and then let them lose back into
their communities where he will never see or experience the results
of his actions.

Because make no mistake--the words he puts into their minds, the
permission he gives folks to combust, it doesn't fade when he closes
out the night. He's planting seeds of constant loathing, and they'll be
fed and nurtured long after his campaign is done.

**************************************************************************************

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Selfishness



Sometimes, we feel we know something so well, we
actually forget to take it into account! Familiarity
breeds oversight.

I am a selfish bastard. Not that most of us could
not utter this true-ism equally, but that is not the
focus. My focus--as a sick and selfish person--
has to be (ironically enough,) me. I can't worry about
the world when the problem I can change lies in me.

Selfishness in-and-of-itself is not a bad thing. In
fact, we would not be alive if not for selfishness;
survival instincts, competitiveness, self-interest
are all healthy skills that we either possess or
develop or manufacture in this lifetime. Or pay
the price.

But anything to the extreme is harmful, and
this is no exception.

I have avoided thinking of myself as selfish
because I was miserable and depressed; "How
could I be selfish if I have nothing to show for it?"
was my crazy lament.

But being obsessed to the point of distraction with
my own problems (both real and imagined,)
dramas, feelings, hurts, etc. is not less selfish
just because I am focused on negativity! I am
focused on--and bringing about--despair at the
expense of anyone else's feelings. I have been
oblivious to the reality that everyone has their own
fair share of difficulties. The world doesn't slow down
for them; why would it do so for me?

I could postulate that other people's illusions of health
and facades of happiness are so strong and convincing,
that there was no way for me to understand that they
were in pain, too.

I could whine on about how all my hardships
have jaded me, made me insensitive.

I could do a lot of things to deflect responsibility
and accountability. But for once, I won't.

I freely admit to the world that I have been
an insensitive, selfish asshole...and there is no
excuse for it.

(That being said, I will not continue to flog
myself endlessly for it. It is an admission of
guilt; not an acceptance of a badge of shame.
I want to understand this so I can move on
past it. As much as is humanly possible, I do
not want to ever again be responsible for
harming another person.)

Here's what I do understand about some
of the more questionable aspects of my
character;

* I want what I want when I want it; then,
when I get it, I want to play games.

* Once I know someone has a vulnerability or
a weak spot, I seek to exploit it. Usually when
it is most effective.

* Instead of being real when I am scared and
in need, I lash out and posture, hurting the one(s)
who have actually endured getting close to me.

* I can play compassionate, but when the
opportunity comes to get 'revenge' for hurts I
have been caused, I take it.

* I just have to have everybody know how
insightful I am, how 'smart' I am, how bold I am;
never mind tact, kindness, or diplomacy.

* Feeling close to someone is the scariest thing
in the world for me. Starting to truly trust a person
sends me into Loony Tunes territory. Anger, jealousy,
distrust, bitterness and more stem from fear.

* When I have a problem in one area bothering me,
I tend to let it affect my emotions in other unrelated
areas. (Always in a bad way, naturally.)

* I build up and store my hurt, instead of coping all
along. This way, the fight that eventually breaks out
will be off the charts, instead of a small, healthy release.

* I can't solve my own problems, but all of yours
would go away in a heartbeat if you would just
follow my advice. You might as well take it; I'm not
using it!

* I'm so wrapped up in me, me, me and what I need/
am not getting/want/can't have....that I forget there
are other people in the world. I certainly forget that
they have needs and feelings, too.

*********************************************

The thing is, all of these things can be changed.
I am hopeful that this week's clarity will serve to
stick and motivate me to maintain a new attitude.
I am hopeful. I truly do not want to be the cause of
pain for another person in my life. If I can't help,
at least let me refrain from making things worse.

My view of how things 'should' be and what 'needs'
to happen is not necessarily right. There's room for
everyone's ideas at the table. I know this in my head,
but when ego takes over in the specifics of circumstances,
I lose track.

I am not the only one frustrated by finances, relationships,
job, love matters, self-worth, purpose, friends, emotions,
health, anniversaries, or other matters of head and heart.
I am not the center of THE Universe just because I am
the center of MY Universe.

I only hope that the impetus for my eye-opening isn't
too great a cost. I cannot undo my actions, but I pray that
some day I may make amends. Choosing to live differently
may be my only option. That starts today.

The Ineffectiveness of Fences in Modern America, Pt 1

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